You're a human, I'm a vampire
Aug. 21st, 2004 12:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
orangerfulYou're a woman, I'm a man...pire.
AD & I went to see Garden State last night. I really liked it. I think it might have been one of the first movies I've ever watched not knowing anything about it. I just knew that I liked Zach Braff and I like Natalie Portman and figured what the heck. Let me say, not knowing anything about the movie made it that much better (especially now that I've seen the trailer and it gives stuff away). Just a very good movie, with no "villians" or "bullies", just a show about life, living, growing up, and understanding yourself. I didn't know Braff had it in him. I hope he keeps up the good work and makes some more films. Lots of great little moments that make you laugh out loud and other moments that are just so well done that you're really in the movie. So the movie gets a big thumbs up from me. Plus Natalie Portman's character was named "Samantha" so yay.
Unfortunately it made my brain start to work, but I won't bore you with the details. For some reason I just went insane. If you want details (or what i can remember of the details) you'll have to go
Okay, the movie was good, I mean REALLY GOOD. And not only was it good, but Zach Braff acted in it, wrote it, and directed it. For as long as I can remember, that has been my biggest dream. I started to cry during the big moment of the movie (a moment that really was not made to start me bawling, but my brain caved in). I just don't know what is going on with me. One moment I think I know what I want to do, the next I feel like I'm giving up, that I'm "settling" and not really trying to achieve my dreams. I used to have dreams. I used to write scripts for my favorite shows, I used to imagine myself in movies, I would read books on how to make movies. Heck, I still watched all the making-of documentaries on my DVDs and listen to the commentaries like they are "how-tos". The whole radio thing didn't work out and it sorta brought me down and I tried to calm myself and I guess my family by saying that I was going to go back to the library. And I guess that's cool, but I never dreamed of being a librarian. It wasn't something I was aspiring to. Yesterday, I got this surge of regret, of anger, and I guess self-pity, and I was so mad at myself for "settling" yet again. Should I have stayed in radio? i dunno, it was really wearing me out. I've always been big on the visuals. I love movies and television. But so do lots of people. So why do I get so depressed when I think about never getting a chance to write a script or help create something. I had convinced myself that being a librarian was the way to go because I wanted to help people. But that's only partially right. I know, deep down, I want that bit of attention. I want to make people smile. When I hang out with my friends and I actually get one of them to laugh, I mean really laugh, at something I say and it feels so good. But original ideas don't seem to be coming, but is there really such a thing as an original idea? Everything seems to be based on something, or at least sprung from some agenda. I don't really have an agenda. Amanda sent me the BravoTV thing, where they are looking for sitcom ideas to create a show similar to "project greenlight". So I've been wracking my brain to come up with a set of characters that would work. Of course, my first instinct is to write about radio, it's something I know. So I'm working on that now.
Do you ever see yourself in the 3rd person? I mean, really see YOU. I realized the other day that I hardly ever envision myself in the third person. Usually I'm a mix of me and Buffy or me and Natalie Portman. I guess they are on my pretty list. Sometimes I catch myself, after watching a Buffy episode, I catch myself making faces or mimicing gestures that I saw Buffy or other people do. I could feel myself on the car ride home yesterday mimicing Natalie Portman. Then I tried to force my brain to put the actual me in my mind, and not this strange Sam/Natalie mix. I was having trouble doing it and when I couldn't do it easily, I could feel my eyebrows creasing just like Natalie's at the end of Garden State which made me more upset. I was pretty much a wreck the whole ride home. I think I'm losing my mind, slowly but surely. Perhaps it's the stress of working 2 jobs that don't really utilize my skills. I need a job where people are sorta like me. Skylor and Snowden don't really get Buffy and honestly I have no idea what to talk about The Limited girl about. They are either younger than me or older than me, not too many my age. I just wish I knew jobs that I could do and enjoy. There are so many different jobs, entertainment industry and other, but all we know about are the big ones "ACTOR" "DIRECTOR" "WRITER"....but the credits go on much longer than that, so what are those jobs and how do I get them? I know I know, move to LA. There's a studio in Australia, can I move there instead?
BLAH! Sorry for the ramble. I don't really know what I want here. I think I had just convinced myself that I was happy and knew what I wanted, and then watching that wonderful movie made me remember all the things that I *really* wanted, and not the things that everyone else keeps telling me I want. Does that make sense?
We watched some of The Family Guy episodes with commentary on. They are just plain goofy. The creator of the show, Seth McFarlane, really likes to hear his own voice. He does the voices of Peter, Stewie and Brian in the middle of the commentary too. They can get pretty rude but we were giggling. The commentaries are more lively than the Simpsons ones, probably because they only did a few episodes and it's all still pretty fresh in their minds.
Attempted to use the air conditioner in my car today, that thing does not work very well. I gave up and turned it off half way home cuz the car was not getting any cooler and when the AC is on, it's harder to keep it up to speed, and since it was the middle of rush hour I decided that I'd rather go fast. AD just suggested I might be out of coolant. That could be the case.
*sigh* another week of non-stop work. I babysat today and tomorrow and sunday I'm at The Limited. I'm so tired. Thursday the people upstairs were getting new carpet. For some reason they carpet people started installing it at 8am. And they started right over our bedroom. Ugh, the hammers were pounding. I lost an hour of sleep trying to suffocate myself with my pillows so I'd pass out. I went to be at midnight last night and slept the whole night thru and woke up EXHAUSTED. I don't understand my body at all.
Anyhoo, before I go, I made a bunch of Garden State icons. I started out with trying to make an icon for each song on the soundtrack CD, but ran out of caps (I only had caps of the trailer). So then I made a couple more that were just random. Comments welcomed.
AD & I went to see Garden State last night. I really liked it. I think it might have been one of the first movies I've ever watched not knowing anything about it. I just knew that I liked Zach Braff and I like Natalie Portman and figured what the heck. Let me say, not knowing anything about the movie made it that much better (especially now that I've seen the trailer and it gives stuff away). Just a very good movie, with no "villians" or "bullies", just a show about life, living, growing up, and understanding yourself. I didn't know Braff had it in him. I hope he keeps up the good work and makes some more films. Lots of great little moments that make you laugh out loud and other moments that are just so well done that you're really in the movie. So the movie gets a big thumbs up from me. Plus Natalie Portman's character was named "Samantha" so yay.
Unfortunately it made my brain start to work, but I won't bore you with the details. For some reason I just went insane. If you want details (or what i can remember of the details) you'll have to go
Okay, the movie was good, I mean REALLY GOOD. And not only was it good, but Zach Braff acted in it, wrote it, and directed it. For as long as I can remember, that has been my biggest dream. I started to cry during the big moment of the movie (a moment that really was not made to start me bawling, but my brain caved in). I just don't know what is going on with me. One moment I think I know what I want to do, the next I feel like I'm giving up, that I'm "settling" and not really trying to achieve my dreams. I used to have dreams. I used to write scripts for my favorite shows, I used to imagine myself in movies, I would read books on how to make movies. Heck, I still watched all the making-of documentaries on my DVDs and listen to the commentaries like they are "how-tos". The whole radio thing didn't work out and it sorta brought me down and I tried to calm myself and I guess my family by saying that I was going to go back to the library. And I guess that's cool, but I never dreamed of being a librarian. It wasn't something I was aspiring to. Yesterday, I got this surge of regret, of anger, and I guess self-pity, and I was so mad at myself for "settling" yet again. Should I have stayed in radio? i dunno, it was really wearing me out. I've always been big on the visuals. I love movies and television. But so do lots of people. So why do I get so depressed when I think about never getting a chance to write a script or help create something. I had convinced myself that being a librarian was the way to go because I wanted to help people. But that's only partially right. I know, deep down, I want that bit of attention. I want to make people smile. When I hang out with my friends and I actually get one of them to laugh, I mean really laugh, at something I say and it feels so good. But original ideas don't seem to be coming, but is there really such a thing as an original idea? Everything seems to be based on something, or at least sprung from some agenda. I don't really have an agenda. Amanda sent me the BravoTV thing, where they are looking for sitcom ideas to create a show similar to "project greenlight". So I've been wracking my brain to come up with a set of characters that would work. Of course, my first instinct is to write about radio, it's something I know. So I'm working on that now.
Do you ever see yourself in the 3rd person? I mean, really see YOU. I realized the other day that I hardly ever envision myself in the third person. Usually I'm a mix of me and Buffy or me and Natalie Portman. I guess they are on my pretty list. Sometimes I catch myself, after watching a Buffy episode, I catch myself making faces or mimicing gestures that I saw Buffy or other people do. I could feel myself on the car ride home yesterday mimicing Natalie Portman. Then I tried to force my brain to put the actual me in my mind, and not this strange Sam/Natalie mix. I was having trouble doing it and when I couldn't do it easily, I could feel my eyebrows creasing just like Natalie's at the end of Garden State which made me more upset. I was pretty much a wreck the whole ride home. I think I'm losing my mind, slowly but surely. Perhaps it's the stress of working 2 jobs that don't really utilize my skills. I need a job where people are sorta like me. Skylor and Snowden don't really get Buffy and honestly I have no idea what to talk about The Limited girl about. They are either younger than me or older than me, not too many my age. I just wish I knew jobs that I could do and enjoy. There are so many different jobs, entertainment industry and other, but all we know about are the big ones "ACTOR" "DIRECTOR" "WRITER"....but the credits go on much longer than that, so what are those jobs and how do I get them? I know I know, move to LA. There's a studio in Australia, can I move there instead?
BLAH! Sorry for the ramble. I don't really know what I want here. I think I had just convinced myself that I was happy and knew what I wanted, and then watching that wonderful movie made me remember all the things that I *really* wanted, and not the things that everyone else keeps telling me I want. Does that make sense?
We watched some of The Family Guy episodes with commentary on. They are just plain goofy. The creator of the show, Seth McFarlane, really likes to hear his own voice. He does the voices of Peter, Stewie and Brian in the middle of the commentary too. They can get pretty rude but we were giggling. The commentaries are more lively than the Simpsons ones, probably because they only did a few episodes and it's all still pretty fresh in their minds.
Attempted to use the air conditioner in my car today, that thing does not work very well. I gave up and turned it off half way home cuz the car was not getting any cooler and when the AC is on, it's harder to keep it up to speed, and since it was the middle of rush hour I decided that I'd rather go fast. AD just suggested I might be out of coolant. That could be the case.
*sigh* another week of non-stop work. I babysat today and tomorrow and sunday I'm at The Limited. I'm so tired. Thursday the people upstairs were getting new carpet. For some reason they carpet people started installing it at 8am. And they started right over our bedroom. Ugh, the hammers were pounding. I lost an hour of sleep trying to suffocate myself with my pillows so I'd pass out. I went to be at midnight last night and slept the whole night thru and woke up EXHAUSTED. I don't understand my body at all.
Anyhoo, before I go, I made a bunch of Garden State icons. I started out with trying to make an icon for each song on the soundtrack CD, but ran out of caps (I only had caps of the trailer). So then I made a couple more that were just random. Comments welcomed.
