Welp just lost my shit

Why have I not learned to just not engage? Why??? Because I was raised to listen to people when they talk to you? This doesn’t seem to be a thing in Tim’s family where i swear there is constant noise but no one listens unless you shout.

And I just lost it. Like, I was trying to listen. I know I won’t agree with anyt they are saying but I want to hear the logic? Or at least make an effort? But last night there was some random comment about liberal arts majors and “what do they even learn” and i said “I learned a lot!” And it felt good. So got cocky. So when the topic out of the blue switched to taxes which went to healthcare which went to social security, I tried to listen but then it somehow went to some show on roku getting cancelled because the presenter was a far right person and I could feel my pulse was already racing and could feel the blood in my face and his dad said something about “lefties in their vagina hats” I yelled over him “and I am out! Going upstairs to play video games now.” And I legit ran away.

Tim said he just doesn’t listen to his parents but I’m still new to that. I want to converse with people. But it’s not wprth it. they are like trying to talk to twitter trolls.

Should have stuck with my plan from yesterday that worked really well - never going into the living room. His Dad mostly hangs out there with the TV on so it muffles conversation. And his Mom was cooking and talking about that in the kitchen so it was less hostile.

Anyway, driving to our friends house in chicago now so I will amuse myself with their 4 year old. Next two days will probably suck though.

***hugs*** to all of you for reading my bitching. Your comments have really helped my sanity.