but what would the catchy hashtag be?

[orangerful]

Is it just me, or would it be easier at this point to start celebrating men who have managed to get through life by not sexual harassing/assaulting someone rather than keep posting about who is guilty? It would probably be more encouraging and uplifting for everyone.

Comments

[colls]

#notanasshole

Is it cynical of me to think the list of powerful men who could claim this would be short?

[orangerful]

Probably. Though my first though was we should do every day people rather than celebrities...

...and then I thought about my life and realized that this wouldn't work either because I think everyone has something in their past relationships that makes then cringe and I'm sure someone out there would shoot down any person held up as being decent.

[yourlibrarian]

Heh, I've thought that myself. One of the things I've been noticing is talk show guests and the decreasing number who haven't yet had something public come out about them.

The problem with celebrating those who aren't part of the problem is because it's something so difficult to know. "As of right now, this person seems to be a decent human being" is kind of weak tea.

[rhoda_rants]

Yeah, this. I'd love to start naming The Good Ones, but I'm almost afraid to do that because how long before THAT shoe drops?

[orangerful]

People are inherently bad, that is what I am getting from this whole thing. Everyone has at least one secret, one skeleton in the closet, that if Twitter got a hold of it, they would be destroyed (well, at least for 20 minutes-3 days because that is about how long we seem to be able to care about anything online)

[rhoda_rants]

One of my other Twitter folks said something interesting, so I'll paraphrase it here: The idea starts with, There are so many wolves in sheep's clothing, how can we know? And then somehow turns into, Kill all the sheep, just to be sure. And that's not really where we want to go with this.

However, I have a hard line about Not Being A Literal Sexual Predator, and way too many people are crossing it.

[yourlibrarian]

Yes, I agree that the other issue is the dividing line between "This is not only unacceptable but illegal (or certainly ought to be)" and "We live in a sexist culture and this is how many men think it's supposed to work"

[orangerful]

Yeah, and the other issue is that I'm starting to think everyone has some skeleton in their closet that, when the Internet got a hold of it, would make them seem like the worst person in the world, myself included.

I honestly am getting to the point where I feel like I need a chart where I can fill things in and then it helps me decide how much to not like someone. It is really getting to be confusing.

[yourlibrarian]

then it helps me decide how much to not like someone

I couldn't help snorting. But I agree that really anyone can be made to look bad regardless of the life they've lived. I'm surprised more people don't prefer anonymity!

[kitajmaze]

No, let's not celebrate men for doing the bare minimum as a human.

Oprah's speech was pretty uplifting! Did you see it?

[orangerful]

Maybe celebrate isn't the right word, but acknowledge they exist...except now I'm thinking that this isn't true because the more I think on it, the more I start to believe that *everyone* has something in their past that if the Internet got a hold of it, they would get dragged through the mud. Some of the mud puddles are deeper than others, but when it comes to Twitter and a hashtag, it doesn't matter.

I just don't feel like this constant public shaming cycle is actually doing any good. I wish we could see some examples of things coming out of this that are positive?

I didn't see the speech, though I think I saw some bits and pieces of the transcript. I don't want another celebrity president though, but I think Oprah should find someone who has dedicated their life to public service, a real-life Leslie Knope, and throw all her money and influence on that person.

[kitajmaze]

I... am not sure how to reply. Maybe I am misreading you? But public shaming is the very least that should happen to people who molest and rape girls. The good this is doing is making sure that survivors know they are not alone, that none of this is not their fault, and that the collective we will no longer allow perpetrators to get away with sexual assault. Those who are guilty deserve to be punished, finally. And anyone thinking about trying to take advantage of someone smaller/younger/with less power will now know they are being watched and are therefore less likely to get away it. The good this is doing is saving young women.

I don't want another celeb President either but if it was Donald Duck running against the orange menace next time, I would vote for the duck.

[orangerful]

I hope that is true. And obviously rape and sexual assault are things that should be reported and hopefully this movement is as empowering as we hope and women do go to the police or HR or whoever to stop these things.

Or maybe we need to start empowering women enough that they feel comfortable slapping a man in the face and/or kicking him in the balls when things go to far.

[kitajmaze]

I certainly support your last statement. That and raising a generation of men who understand how to respect their fellow human beings.

[jerusha]

I've been thinking about this a lot myself, because I've been in a situation with an otherwise good guy who pushed me further than I really wanted to go. I wouldn't call it traumatic, but it was hella uncomfortable, and still gives me a squicky feeling when I think about it. I'm also 100% sure that if I ever told the guy about it, he'd be shocked and appalled at himself but also really surprised that I felt that way. I think we have to get better as a culture about how we talk about sex and consent, and I think that can mean both calling out bad behavior, but also talking about those who practice good enthusiastic consent.