(no subject)

[orangerful]

I have to tell you, I was drained yesterday. It was a very long day I set up for myself, and on top of it this allergy/cold thing was just killing me. I was all kinds of sneezy and runny, it was just gross.



See, I have this really bad habit of over-booking myself. I'm constantly putting myself out there for everyone else and never saving any time for myself. Especially with this whole babysitting/part-time hourly setup. See, I always feel obligated to say yes. I dunno why. So, I set myself up with this babysitting thing on Tues and Thurs. And if Monica asks if it's okay if I stay later, I usually say yes, I mean, why not. If she didn't need me she woudlnt' ask? Then the library calls, and I can't work on tuesday or thursday afternoons so I feel obligated to take whatever other dates they offer so I can stay active there (the place I really want to be).

Thing is, the babysitting thing is getting kinda old for me. I've been doing it over a year now. But things have changed alot. Originally, I agreed to help Monica out because both of her kids were home and she was trying to start up her own business. Now, Skylor has started school, so he's gone most of the day and I end up just watching Snowden. Which wouldn't be so bad, if I didn't have to go pick up Skylor from class and then try to leave after that. He wants to play with me after he gets home and I'm usually really exhausted from entertaining Snowden.

To top that off, mass chaos seems to have ensued and Monica doesn't appear to be working on her project anymore. Instead, they have been remodeling the house. Also, the grandmother has moved in. Really moved in. She now has Snowden's room and the two kids have to share a room (which is 80% filled by a massive bunkbed...not a regular bunk-bed, but an L-shaped one that takes up all kinds of space). I'm not sure why this happened or how long she plans on staying, I only know that Monica doesn't seem comfortable leaving the kids home alone with her. Or, at least, she'd much rather have me there.

I feel like it's time to cut back to "special occasion" babysitting. You know, going out on a saturday night and such. Because I'm filling up my calendar with work and leaving no time for myself or my boyfriend or my friends. And I'd much rather be working at the library. I did that all summer and it felt good. But now that I'm trying to juggle the kids and library again, I'm getting that stressed out feeling.

I know all of you are shaking your head and saying "Sam, just tell her that you're done" but I can't. I feel bad. I know they are her kids and she shouldn't really depend on me like that, considering this is all sorta under the table. But I'm afraid that she'll be mad at me. Or that Skylor and Snowden will be mad at me. But, then again, I went away for the whole summer and they still like me. *sigh* I dunno what to do. I called Monica yesterday and asked if I could take Thursday off from watching the kids since I'm so tired and I'm working 5-9 at Crofton that night too. She said it was okay. Maybe it will give me time to think up a plan.



Today has been busy. I took two benadryl and one of jimithingy's melatonin tablets last night before bedtime and it knocked me right out. I woke up feeling pretty good but as soon as I got vertical, my head got icky. But I'm nowhere near as bad as yesterday. My nose is all red though, from blowing my nose, and my eyes are all puffy too. I am super attractive. Been working since 1pm. Had lunch with blu_harvest which was cool cuz we got to chat for a bit. Now I'm at Crofton and it's been fairly busy.

Taped Bones and House last night, hopefully get to watch at least one of them tonight I haven't seen attack of the show in ages...well, not since I got WoW hehe. 7pm just rolls by when you're marching thru Stormwind. My little gnome girl, Inara, is a levl 14 now! yay.

Okay back to work. :-)

Comments

[maybemanda.livejournal.com]

she'll totally understand- just maybe give her a month or so notice so that she can find someone else to watch them during the day. you have to stick up for yourself! :) and she sounds like a nice person, there's no way that she'll be mad :)

[orangerful.livejournal.com]

yeah, I just have to get the guts to approach her. My initial plan is to e-mail her and mention is so she will ask me about it and sorta force me into a discussion...otherwise I'll just hide hehe.

[miss-tinkermel.livejournal.com]

Reading this it seems you and I have a lot more in common than I realized! I am a lot the same way, over-booking myself to help others out and then realizing I have little to no time to get the stuff for ME done. I have had to really work on saying "no" to things. It's been tough because, like you, I LIKE to help people out! But you have more than proven yourself a good friend (I don't know many people who already have jobs that would take on the babysitting responsibilties that you have) and if this woman has the audacity to get mad because you have to cut back due to over-exhausting yourself then she's not reciprocating the friendship you've given her, right?
It's soo funny because I am in your same position, helping out a friend twice a week with her twin babies. She also really needs the help, but like you, it leaves me exhausted with less time for myself! Ah well, what can you do?
Hope you're allergies feel better.
I taped Bones too, I hope it's good. It was #1 in its time slot, so that's good I suppose!

[orangerful.livejournal.com]

oh good, I'm not the only one! Yeah, I guess I sorta need to plan out what I want to say to her. I figure I'll see if I can just do thru September or something like that so she doesn't lose me right away. I'll practice my speech over the weekend hehe.

allergies are already clearing up, thank goodness! I didn't sneeze on anyone today!

We watched 'House' tonight, so tomorrow we'll do Bones. I've heard the pilot was weak, but I'm hoping that it will at least be intriguing enough to tune in next time. *crosses fingers that we see more of DB on TV*

[moonfall.livejournal.com]

i've done a lot of nannying/babysitting and if you're getting too frazzled, you need to back off from it, i think. *i* got burnt out and really felt someone else would be better for the kidlet. but also, you have a responsibility to yourself...if you're not happy with the craziness (which i don't blame you!) it's a big part of your life to be unhappy with.

i know you don't want to make her mad, but in the end you have to do what you need...or you're not at your best for the kids or anyone. i think the backing off to "special occasions" is a good idea...you get to stay in touch, but your life will be less impacted by that crazy situation.

[orangerful.livejournal.com]

yeah, especially since I've had a taste of the profession I actually want, babysitting is even less attractive hehe. When I started watching them, I was working in retail, which is horrible, and paid pretty much the exact same. Now I have my library job which pays a nice amount and I want to stay on good terms with them so they make me full time hehe.

yes, everyone says to tell her, perhaps I will! I think I'll drop her a little e-mail tonight saying we need to discuss this so that I can't back out of it later. hehe.

[persephones-rev.livejournal.com]

I know what it's like to feel like you have to make everyone happy, but you've got to always try to make time for yourself, you know? You are a rather kind and generous gal... I'm sure that the people you babysit for already know this. I'm sure that they'll know that it's not about you being a jerk, or something. You do what you feel you need to do. :) *hugs*

[orangerful.livejournal.com]

yeah, I hear you. I gotta just practice saying "No" and not feeling guilty about it...especially when I have nothing to feel guilty about!

I just logged out of hotmail a few minutes ago, and there was a blurb from Miss Manners with pretty much the exact same issue - a childless woman who's friends kept asking her to watch their kids while they ran errands and such and she didn't know how to say "no". So I guess I'm not alone in my over generous-ness.

[persephones-rev.livejournal.com]

yeah, I hear you. I gotta just practice saying "No" and not feeling guilty about it...especially when I have nothing to feel guilty about!

Exactly. :)

So I guess I'm not alone in my over generous-ness.

Yep... and it's because of people like you that humanity remains decent. *hugs*