I'm a slayer, ask me how.

Wow - prior to my last post/link to my website, the last time I had posted to Dreamwidth was May 2021? I can't believe it. I used to live here.

I definitely got caught up in the other social media out there. It's hard to deny the quick photo posts and tiktok videos make for easy engagement, especially when you find a niche group - mine was board game nerds. It's such a small, tight knit group on those sites that it was easy to slip in and become part of the conversation. And, of course, Discord and the real time chat. Twitter was fun...now it's just a hot mess that I peek in on.

And I have been spending a lot of time either playing board games online or on the table. I have a premium account on Board Game Arena and I average about 100 games a month, playing them asynchronously and in real time (I'm playing a real-time game of Castles of Burgundy right now, typing in between turns).

But why did I leave? I think I know why which was...guilt. I was having a hard time keeping up with posts on here. My job has become more time consuming - I was a branch manager at a small library in May 2021 and about two months later, I became the branch manager of the big library I used to work in before that promotion in 2019. And my inbox kept filling up with all of your entries and I could not find the time to read them and then I felt posting knowing that I had not read your entries, but here I was posting my own, asking you to read and respond even though I had not made that time for you.

Anyway, am I back? Maybe? I'm going to make an effort to at least post links here to my other sites and posts. But apologies in advance if I go quiet again. If you're wondering what game I'm playing or book I'm reading, I'm orangerful all over the internet haha. I'm even having fun on TikTok!

I hope you are all well and that 2023 is off to a decent start! I feel like January was a false start so let's just move forward into February!

I haven't been doing a great job of keeping up with posts since the library opened. I'm not sure why, we haven't been particularly busy, but perhaps that is the problem? Somehow it is exhausting to keep yourself working for 7.5 hours when there is nothing to do.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad people are staying home and those that we do see are wearing masks, dashing in for books and then leaving. We do have our three computer regulars come in, use the PCs and then leave. But otherwise it is VERY quiet. TOO quiet. Even for a library. We can't really do any programs in the branch and only one staff member seems interested in trying out online programming. The rest of my team really wants to get back out into the world and keeps thinking of ways to help those trapped on the other side of the digital divide...but there is a lot to think about that. We are waiting to hear what the schools decide to do and maybe then we can brainstorm ways to support the teachers and students.

Gave ourselves a long weekend to have some alone time while the stepdaughter was out of town with her Mom. I know we just had two months "off" with the Stay Home order but there's something about being told to stay home versus taking a little staycation.

I managed to find the Ring Fit Adventure game for Switch yesterday! I did the first workout "zone" this morning, and OMG I am worried about how I am going to feel tomorrow. I was so tired afterwards, sweating like crazy. I am really bad at squatting correctly. My goal is to try to do it most days after work, before dinner (except for Wednesdays, when I don't get home until 7:30 and will be STARVING...).

Still playing Animal Crossing because that game is crack and it taps into my need to collect ALL THE THINGS.

The news is terrifying and I have gone from just being angry and frustrated to downright scared. Especially with what is going in Portland and other cities with these Federal agents being sent in for what purpose I don't know. Talk about millions of dollars being WASTED. How about throwing that money at the schools and helping unemployed people not get evicted? Blah.

We watched the first episode of 'Cursed' and I immediately put the book on hold at the library. I remember when it came in, had a very cool cover. I'm really surprised all the copies weren't check out! Give it time. Tim wasn't into the show very much, but he said he would watch one more episode. Pilot episodes are always hard, so much to plot and explain.

Not that I have been able to find time/make time to read. I am in charge of the library book club this month and I hate book clubs because assigned reading is my krpytonite. EVEN when I am the one that picked the book!!!! But I'm trying to re-read the book as quickly as I can prior to next Tuesday. Then I will be FREE to read what I want without that looming over me and hopefully I can find something I like. Note to self, from now on, only pick graphic novels for book club. Much easier to re-read.

Did I mention that I have started playing D&D with an online group of people I met during "Stay Home" ? We've had 4 games now, I think, and I have been having a great time. Though I think what is true of dreams is probably also true of D&D sessions - no one wants to hear about them unless they are in them OR there is sex in them.

It's 10pm now so I think I will try to solve a few murders on 'Return of the Obra Dinn' and then probably try to get to bed at a decent hour since I stayed up a bit late this weekend.

I will try to be better at keeping up with posts!!

I feel like I might need to do a friends cut. With everything going on, I'm still not making time to read every entry on here and I feel bad about that. I recently went through my twitter and tumblr and made my following list smaller and more manageable and it has been more fun to check in there and leave.

I always feel weird posting about it, but I know some people get very upset when someone unfriends/unfollows them without any kind of warning.

If I unfriend you, it's because I feel like I'm not being a very good online friend to you if I have unfollowed you, because I'm not engaging with your posts etc. and it feels unfair.

Stay safe.

Whoops! I haven't posted in ten days LOL. I did put a few things up on my Wordpress this week.

TWO WEEKS UNTIL PAX EAST 2020!!

I know I just got back from a trip, but that was with my parents. This will be with friends so very different. Tim isn't coming this year because Sylvia's got her last high school choir concert and her 18th birthday is Sunday (though I am coming back Saturday so I will be home for that). So, yeah, it will just be me and our friends Mathew and Zac. Zac works at my old branch so I'm hoping to get all the details about the new manager LOL. I mean, I know her and have met her, but from a worker perspective.

Bonus, I found out the tabletop gaming YouTube channel I obsessively follow, Dicebreaker, will be at PAX! They have a panel on Friday night which is my #1 priority for two days we are going. I am hoping to at least say hello because they are all so sweet and we chat on twitter all the time.

Speaking of, I painted my OWLBEAR! It was really relaxing actually, I would love to do another miniature. I might see if there are some cheap blanks on sale at PAX and buy them. Though I'm also thinking the Firefly game Tim got my for Christmas has minis inside I could easily add a bit of color to...

Currently I am attempting to resist the TOMS sale because the Star Wars shoes that originally brought me to the site are on sale and I want them...because Star Wars...but do I need more shoes? There are 3 pair...I could just get one...of course then they charge shipping...so I might as well get two to not pay for shipping...it makes no sense. Perhaps I will see if they are still in stock this weekend and take that as a sign.

I forgot to get a Valentine's Day card for Tim but I do have some *sexy* gifts...which I actually bought for Christmas and then realized I had purchased a LOT of things so I hid them in my dresser. I got the Chocolate Fondue so I am thinking I will stop on the way home tomorrow and grab some fruits we can dip in it.

I was going to suggest curling up on the couch and watching Your Name, an anime we saw in the theaters together a few years ago and he bought it for me on blu-ray.

But now I need to get to bed! Still gotta work tomorrow and I agreed to go to a meeting in the afternoon in Annapolis which I am kind of regretting because that drive is a pain. But it will be a good learning opportunity, see how the sausage gets made when it comes to public planning.

TTFN!

Today was our last day at the park. We head back tomorrow morning. I think, over all, we had a good time. My Dad did pretty well, though he did get cranky as the day went on if we didn't eat.

Anyway, I have 70 updates in my inbox of LJ/DW posts. Tried to go through a few tonight but I'm starting to fade even though it is only 9pm! We walked around today in the warm sun and I am feeling it now! Feels so weird wanting to go to bed this early but I have nothing else to give!

TTYL <3

Not quite as catchy, but we drive out to Wisconsin tomorrow to have Christmas with Tim's family. The in-laws. Those of you that are frequent visitors of this blog know how it will all go. I'm even more terrified than usual with the impeachment hearings so recent. I'm hoping they can avoid politics while I'm around. I'm taking my laptop with me so I can easily hide somewhere else, if needs be.

Anyway, there will probably be lots of tweets and instagram posts tomorrow. DW isn't very friendly when it comes to posting via my phone and I don't think I should try to use my laptop in the car, even if I did check out the WiFi hotspot from the library.

I might sit down and write out my thoughts on **shudder** Rise of Skywalker. Even if I am going to treat it the same way I treated 'Crystal Skull', it's good to document my thoughts, right?

I know I am an adult and I have my own money and I can buy what I want, whenever I want (I mean, within reason) but there is is still this part of me that was so well trained as a child...

...you see, around this time of year, maybe even the start of November, my Mom would not let me get any new toys or games or movies. From November onward, it was time for Christmas prep so I couldn't get anything because Santa/Mom/Grandparents etc. needed to have a list of things to pick from.

So even now, I just can't bring myself to buy anything for myself. If I do, I tend to feel really guilty, like I'm taking a chance that someone else might buy it for me.

Which is silly because I don't have a lot of people buying me gifts anymore so I'm just setting myself up for disappointment and binge shopping on December 26.

And, the flip side, is that when Tim buys himself something around this time of year, I get a little annoyed because it is one less thing I could have bought him for a gift.

Anyone else like this?

Tim was playing Star Citizen with his online friends so I decided to start up Observer, I game made by the same people who made the unsettling Layers of Fear.

Because there's nothing like scaring the crap out of yourself right before bedtime!

As this article says, it has a very Blade Runner meets horror vibe going. Lots of wandering around dark hallways, with dark corners (doors and corners, that's where the get ya!).

You play as a grizzled "Observer", some special kind of policeman who has cybernetic enhancements that allow him to scan crime scenes for bio and tech. While searching for his missing adult son, the character stumbles upon some pretty gruesome murder scenes in a rundown apartment building.

There have been two jump scares so far that have made me cry out - one a character appeared behind me, but he just wanted to talk. Another was a stupid pigeon flying in my face. At one point I closed my eyes as I walked down a hallway, which is kind of silly with a video game since, unlike a movie, I need to see and react!

No actual point to this post, just trying to calm down before bedtime LOL. The game is about 8 hours long, according to what I see online, and I've been playing for two hours (though I kind of got lost in the building for a bit there) so I just need to make it through. The story is interesting so I want to know what the hell is going on. BUT OMG I AM SO SCARED LOL.

Playing a horror game with headphones on was probably not the best idea. For the last twenty minutes, I had the volume sort of low because all of the creaking of the apartment floors and doors were setting me on edge.

I also may have glanced at the achievements and saw one for not dying which means I CAN DIE so now I'm super paranoid. Though I guess you could die in Layers of Fear also but that was only by not running away when scary things happened and that is NOT a problem for me haha.

Okay...maybe I'll go play Dr. mario on my phone for a bit to get into a less creepy headspace. GOODNIGHT!

The scene during Luke's final battle with Vader in RotJ, when Luke is "hiding" from Vader and Vader is apparently using the "I'm just going to keep talking until you get sick of my voice" approach of dark side coercion, you see Luke close his eyes and suddenly Vader says "...sister. So, you have a twin sister. Your feelings have now betrayed her too." and we see Luke open his eyes and sort of let his shoulders go down in defeat.

I've realized that I interpret this moment different from most.

My head-canon for this, was that Luke wasn't struggling to hide his thoughts about Leia. I always thought it was the opposite. This was part of Luke's way of trying to bring Anakin back - he hoped that the revelation that, not only does he have a son, but he also has a daughter - would make Anakin turn against the Emperor right there. In fact, I almost felt like Luke projected his last conversation with Leia to Anakin. Of course, when this doesn't immediately work and Vader continues to bait him, Luke loses his temper and fights back.

BUT I always felt like that little bit of information did something to break through Vader and into Anakin, to pull him back to the side of good. It's why Anakin says "tell your sister you were right about me" because he "saw" that moment between Luke and Leia.

(Why yes, I was watching more Pop Culture Detective videos tonight, why do you ask?)